After observing failed relationships time and time again, especially in my own life, I thought I’d put a code together to help others out. These aren’t set in stone and they aren’t law, but they’re just a few topics to think about before you get hemmed up with another person for life. Relationships when done right are a beautiful thing, when done wrong they’re a living nightmare. Addressing these topics early may spare you from the nightmare.
Studies suggest that a couple should wait a minimum of 2 years before committing to a lifelong relationship. It’s not necessarily the amount of time, but that you as a couple go through enough ups and downs to see if you’re compatible and complement each other’s lives. Love at first sight doesn’t reveal that. Only time does. Date each other and enjoy your time together, there’s no need to rush the relationship.
Gut checks, red flags, and anything that bothers you needs to be addressed ASAP. Being brutally honest (with love of course) will only help strengthen your relationship. Somethings require compromise and other things need to be addressed sooner than later. Being brutally honest with each other is one of the best things you could do for your relationship.
In my opinion nothing strains a relationship more than being entrenched in debt. So having little or no debt will only help the relationship. With that being said you should know each other’s investments, salary, and spending habits as well. You should know each other’s credit score and long term financial plan. No one’s perfect in this area, but financially knowing where your partner and where they want to go is vital.
The Savior Complex
“A psychological construct which makes a person feel the need to save other people. This person has a strong tendency to seek people who desperately need help and to assist them, often sacrificing their own needs for these people”. I’m going to say this very slowly… YOU ARE NO ONES SAVIOUR. Support and love your partner, but you are not in the relationship to save them. You’re not here to save them from past traumas, their parents or past relationships. If your partner has deep internal/external struggles, get them the PROFESSIONAL help they need.
Personal Development Plan
How can you truly love another person if you haven’t figured out how to love yourself first? And having a personal development plan is showing yourself love in action. A personal development such as exercising 4-6 times a week, therapy, social gatherings, investing in education, spiritual development, protecting your sexual energy, enjoying hobbies etc. Bettering yourself enhances all relationships around you, especially the relationship with your significant other.
This is a simple code to help you before you commit to other person for life. Also check out the book “If you’re in my office It’s already too late” by James Sexton, it’s one of the best books (Audio book) I’ve listened to on relationships.